Technical difficulties

I had such high hopes for today’s entry, but for some reason unexpected and quirky things keep happening. It is just frustrating when I feel like there is a lot to talk about, constraints on my time because of work and work-related deadlines, and then the technology decides to mess with me. Not. Fun.

Tomorrow I begin my detox from a couple, few weeks of unrestrained crap eating. While my discipline and fortitude against holiday sweets, rich food, and overeating held firm for through mid-December, when it finally cracked I completely fell off the wagon. Even my regular exercise and practice has been impacted, in that I feel like some lazy slug who cannot seem to put find the fortitude to overcome some discomfort and make myself stick with it. All that fat and sugar flowing through my bloodstream has made me feel lazy.

Surprisingly, I don’t feel terrible and am not shredding myself with the equivalent of a psyche food processor. My outlook and attitude are much healthier in this regard. Holidays happen, but the sins of December must be curbed and ultimately restrained now that January and the new year has arrived. I went through our pantry and refrigerators today disposing of any remaining contraband and created a grocery list for tomorrow’s restocking. My usual stash of fresh and frozen fruits and vegetables seems woefully diminished right now, a victim of our eating out and socializing way too much.

Sometime this month quarterly blood tests loom, and I am almost afraid to get them done. But I will, and no matter what it will be fine. I have battled my way back from years of crappy food choices, so surely half a month is not going to send me back to insulin dependency.

Tomorrow is also my first training session of the year, and since J will now be back in the gym and writing new Lists, I am going to have to get back on my game and focused on practice once more. In retrospect I have not done a terrible job with practice, except this last week after Christmas, when I just felt/feel sluggish and uninterested in my daily pursuits. The light work schedule days has made it very easy to get off my routine schedule and not get to the gym on time, which is in its own way disorienting and adds to my overall distraction.

While I know this sounds a bit whiney and obsessive, I am sorting it out and making my game plan for going forward. The office is closed tomorrow, and Tuesday is my usual work from home day, so I have a short week. However, I will be getting back to my usual 4 a.m. alarm on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and 5 a.m. on Tuesday and Thursday. No more excuses for staying up and getting up later and later each day.

And in all honesty – I am looking forward to it. I am a genuine creature of habit, and left to my own devices I would be lazy slug and eat crap food and not exercise. That’s not me anymore, and I think once the sugar and junk food cravings are out of my system – along about February, probably – it will be far easier to get up and moving without complaint or resentment. But I remind myself that I have been way further, way deeper down this road before and climbed out of it. This time it will not be much worse than a large step up and out of the ditch.

Until that happens, though, there is a certain amount of self-inflicted suffering. Hopefully this year I will have learned enough of a lesson to have considerably more restraint next December.

Happy new year everyone!