There are moments, days, when I truly understand this concept and recognize it in the consequences of my actions.
The beginning of the year is extremely busy, hectic, crazy at my various jobs. Being a planner, I arrange my life and schedule around being busy, hectic, crazy. This year, though, has seen a spike in the unusual level of crazy busy with clients running with fires in their arms that need lightspeed analysis, decisions, turnaround. Late nights, weekends, early mornings – it’s kind of insane. Shaving sleep – like 3 or 4 hours versus my usual 7 or 8. Eating crap because it’s convenient or emotionally more satisfying than the salad or vegetables or any other healthier option than potato chips and soda. Soda! If I have a food archnemesis, it’s Mexican coke.
But anyway, almost a week of long days, late nights, not enough sleep. Balance that is grossly imbalanced. I have been thinking and feeling as if I were getting away with it, which is always bad. Because it enables me to continue to make piss poor choices.
Thing is, I don’t get away with it. The shitty food I’m consuming wakes up all sort of demons that makes me crave them even more. My workload is such that it justifies the continued snacking, the eating junk food, the sugar, and staying up later than I should.
Day of reckoning was this morning.
Low on sleep for so many nights in a row, super junky food and water for dinner last night, alarm went off at 4 a.m. and found me bleary eyed and feeling gross. But I soldiered on and got dressed and went to the gym. I was determined to not let my prior bad acts derail my day.
Thing is, feeling gross is not always a physical thing. It is a kind of mental and emotional malaise that has infected and unleashed negative girl back into the world. Attitude may not be everything, but for me, at 4 in the morning, it’s a lot. Usually I am smiling when I walk into the club, saying good morning to the rest of the early morning crew I pass, planning my List of the day.
This morning, I slunk into the gym feeling surly. The Lists were not good mood food as per usual. The Lists were back to the first ring of Hell. The Lists were no longer my friend.
Needless to say, I had a tough day with practice.
But it was good lesson for me.
Getting over my cravings for sugar and junk food – I have done it before and will likely have to do it again in my future. Returning to my sleep patterns – workload is settling and I will be back to my normal sleep/wake pattern by this weekend. Recapturing and imprisoning negative girl is not a process to be feared or anxious about.
In truth, I am not fearful or anxious. Mostly I am, or was, very determined to make it happen.
So I went back to the gym tonight for a second practice. And fate smiled down upon me in the form a tribe sister driving in just ahead of me and being agreeable to practicing with me. With some minor adjustments for limitations and where we are in our individual journeys, our Lists are very similar. Since this was my second practice of the day, I had not planned to go full-bore with effort, but working with my pal, the reps and sets flew by very quickly and were just right.
It was a perfect way to kick-start me back into my happy place.
I am going to be detoxing from a week of sinful eating and trying to get to bed earlier than usual for the next couple of weeks, but my better health quest is not doomed for failure. If anything, it had a minor pause. If I have learned nothing else from the consistency of the last 16, 17 months of daily workouts, I know what the “good mood food” of practice and training feels like and want it back. Thankfully work is settling back into its normal ebb and flow, and negative girl has been chased back to her box and contained once more.
Now if only I could remember to publish posts as I write them rather than waiting to discover they have been sitting open overnight.