Some days I think staying in bed and in denial with covers pulled up over my head is the best possible solution. Unfortunately I always think that long after the fact and events that need not have transpired have transpired. What is far worse – I totally know better. I made poorer choices and paid consequences.
What happened this morning? Low blood sugar during my practice. It has been quite a while since I have felt the need to test my blood sugar because I feel weird, even though I never leave the house without my meter, testing supplies, and a couple of cans of juice – just in case. It is actually a habit for me to get a can of juice every morning and put it into my gym bag. Just in case. It has been so long since I needed it for this application, in January I replaced my gym bag juice for a fresh can, because the other had run out of its best buy date. It tasted fine – I diluted it with diet soda and drank it as a treat – but still. When I really need it, I want something that tastes like it’s supposed to taste and is probably not going to poison me.
Anyway, I was going through a short List of the day that is more cardio focused but not especially intense. Light weights (5 lbs.), and a series of upper and lower exercises. But my heart rate zoomed up quickly and by the third block I was feeling weird, by the fourth I was feeling dizzy. Time to throw down the towel and test. Result was 59 and 60 or less is considered low. For me, though, anything at or below 70 has me reaching for food.
I know this should not have surprised me, because my whole morning was off in ways that invite this sort of thing.
- I was up until midnight finishing financials that a soon-to-be-former client had to have for a 9 a.m. meeting, so I turned off my alarm and overslept until 5:30.
- Blood sugar was a little lower than usual at 78, but still well within the normal range.
- When I got to the kitchen to prep my protein shake, I remembered that I had run out of protein powder, my absolute go-to before training or practice every morning.
- I substituted a banana instead, rationalizing that I was going to do a lighter workout because of my late start and it would be okay. Eating a protein bar with or without the banana would have been the smarter choice.
While not a terrible disaster, it is disheartening when I do really dumb things and know I know better. My body does well on a 1.5 scoops of protein powder with some powered caffeine-like substance. A banana has minimal protein in comparison, and it burns up quickly in my system once I get going. I know this, and what is worse – I had a couple of protein bars sitting right next to the fruit basket that I did not even consider.
Sometimes my short-sighted idiocy knows no boundaries, and most of the time I learn from my missteps. Except when it comes to self-preservation and taking care of myself; in those case, while I am improving, it is a slow, arduous process. Today is just another, albeit minor, example.
But disappointments and shortfalls are not the tools I use to beat myself up, more the catalyst that make me try a new process or system to improve into the future. Running out of protein powder is virtually unheard of in our household. I have mine that I love and use daily, M has his preferred brand and flavor as well. We occasionally cross-contaminate, as it were, and he’ll use some of mine, I can choke down some of his. Until today, with then supplement pantry was bare of protein. How did this happen? I am the one who always orders more when the back-up jar is opened.
M has wanted to try something else, but not decided what and has not requested I order anything in particular. M’s empty bottle was left on the shelf and misled me. More is on the way – thank goodness for Amazon prime and one-day free shipping on my protein product – and I have removed the offending empty imposter.
What this all means, other than I have my really dumb moments? I am truly overwhelmed with work and other responsibilities and it is leaking into all aspects of my life. Not just forgetting to buy more diet staple food, either; lunch with K on Saturday had me checking my calendar to see if I had any work-related commitments.
These are just the latest symptoms of my general too damn busy state.
So, something has to change. I am a capitalist and have no issue working hard and making money, but it is time to cull the herd on private clients and commitments. It’s harshing my better health buzz.
Balance must be one of those head-banging experiences that either results in brain injury or the epiphany that something must change to avoid the repeating the same unpleasant experiences. I typically succeed in recognizing the conclusions and pathways to improving my circumstances and implementing them. Eventually. But there is some level of angst and headache in between. The cost of being me.