The Scale (day 6)

Before I get started on today’s brain dump-palooza, let me tell you about my yesterday and today at the gym. Nothing astonishing or amazing happened; I was not bothered by muscle-headed men invading my space and trying to bully me. Nope, just uneventful practices that made me feel so splendid for various reasons.

First there was that extremely rare to the point of hereforeto thought of as extinct Saturday evening practice. My son-in-law was in town last week and we got together with him, G and K for breakfast before G’s workday (and mine) began. So meeting them for a meal at 8:30 and the gym not opening until 7 — no typical practice for me. The good part of having to meet a client and complete a project on Saturday was that the big boys’ update and new flooring was completed and equipment put back where it belongs. I thought I might want to hang out and use that area, but I instead chose to revisit and review Thursday’s List.

New favorite lower pull List. Or is it a push List? Whatever, never favorite. So interesting to me that I went through it Saturday night and again this morning.

I cannot believe how awful and yet productive 60 seconds of dead tread push is or can be. Oh my – it’s dripping sweat inducing, heart raising not much fun at all. But it’s damn effective. Forget trying to do a huffy-puffy List after another workout; I’ll just strive to get a few minutes of this in and call it great. Between that and my new success with renegade rows, I am a very happy camper. I tested the renegade rows from the floor this morning and got through fewer – 4 and 5 per arm in the sets attempted with a set of 10 lb. dumbbells, but so much better than ever before. I managed 10 and 8 reps from the bench last night and this morning. So YAY ME!

Might not sound like a lot to those who are stronger, fitter, or been at this longer, but this is huge progress and major win for me.

Now onto the catch-and-release segment of today’s post.

I have this long-standing hate-hate with the scale, and for the longest time I would avoid it like some terribly deadly and contagious disease. Over the course of the last few months, I have gotten on it nearly every day and carefully noted my weight. It’s gratifying when it reads even a 0.1 pound difference lower than the day before, and unnerving and anxiety-inducing when it moves even 0.1 pounds in the other direction. Looking through my notes, I have days where I have dropped 2.2 pounds overnight, and other days when I have gained 1.8 pounds in the same number of hours. The repeated exposure to such trends has acclimated me to the swings, and my emotions and mental state are far less impacted with the understanding of the variables. Calories I am consuming, exercise I am pursuing, how much I am sleeping. Good days where I operate at a pretty stable calorie deficit I am typically lighter the next day. Other good days when I have eaten heavier meals and/or been less active on my treadmill desk may read higher, sometimes significantly higher. It’s life. It’s an indicator that tweaks and adjustments to my food intake, activity levels, sleep and stress may be in order. It’s not the end of the world as I know it now. I am not buying a ticket on the bullet train back to injectable insulin if there is an upward fluctuation.

My awareness is expanding. I have more accurate information to make smarter decisions. Or not. I always have choices, and I do not always make the wisest choices. Owning it, accepting responsibility for the consequences of my actions is part of this journey and the objective of making progress. The less freaking out over those consequences also makes life so much more pleasant.

The perception of the information is what tends to fuel my fears and draws a reaction from me. Hopefully my response is positive – I make healthier food choices and amp up my activity level as opposed to binge junk food shopping and skipping my gym practice from a sense of failure. For the most part, I can feel moderately confident that I will make good choices. Now, anyway. My mindset is changing, albeit very slowly. I tend to prioritize what I value most, and my overall health has become exceedingly important to me.

Because it has not always been this way, I am somewhat sensitive to the marketing and personalized stories I read on Facebook, blogs, the internet at large. So many of the messages are superficial and in my opinion, dangerous. But this is likely how fad diets and other unhealthy practices are born. My own personality type and strains of crazy – I have long wanted to be successful, to not perceive myself as such a complete and total fuck-up when it comes to managing my weight and appearance, I would be tempted by the quick fix solutions. Rarely would I succumb to them, though, because my more rational mind understands what seems too good to be true all too often is unreal and a scam.

I mostly hope to be smarter than the marketing. And to keep at least a step ahead of my fork.

Making friends with the scale – maybe it happens. Someday. For now, it’s not my enemy. I am happy to just have it be a tool that shares information with me, not something to fear or be anxious about every morning. While it remains a struggle to be rational and not see it as an independent body passing judgment on me every single morning, it is a battle I am mostly winning.

Plus I am making progress on good reports more often than not. Even 0.1 pound down is better than no change at all or worse – 0.1 pound gained.

#august2017, #choices, #emotional-health, #exercise, #fitness, #gym, #happy, #mental-health, #progress, #weight-loss