When I write posts like this, it feels almost like I’m writing a press release. Alert the media! I have finally winnowed myself down and can now fit into a pair of black skinny jeans – the first pair I ever purchased – without extraordinary measures. They fit so well I pulled them out of the bottom drawer (where the retained thinner me clothes are kept) and was able to pull them on, zip, and button them without having to do much more than stand up straight. There was not sucking in my stomach and lying on the bed to get them closed. I could sit down in them without feeling squeezed, pinched, or uncomfortable.
I am amazed. I am happy. I am ridiculously excited. And I am playing beat-the-clock and on a timer so this post could end abruptly (that’s just the public service message portion of this post).
These skinniest skinny jeans are not the smallest piece of clothing in my closet. Nope, that would be 2 pairs of vintage Levi 501 jeans from high school. Yep, still have clothes from high school. Definitely qualify as vintage, because these jeans are at least 40 years old. Maybe they would be worth more on ebay? Maybe I’ll sell them AFTER I reshape my shape and can put them on and button them.
Thing is, these vintage jeans fit me before I had children and body underwent that dramatic shift in proportions. And maybe middle aged women should not aspire to wear jeans they wore as teenagers. But I presently weigh (183 lbs. this morning) is within 10 lbs. of what I weighed when I got married the first time at 20. But with the way body has rearranged itself with pregnancy, childbirth, age it could be kind of a pipe dream. Still, a worthwhile experiment to pursue. And I have held onto these jeans for this long for some reason. What’s another few months?
This week, the last couple of weeks, have been strangely challenging in my better health quest, and I am taking definitive steps to make my own madness cease. Social media is not my friend. Many, many people can go forth and be on Facebook without any ill effects, but apparently I am not yet one of them. My fat loss group has gone from being something I enjoy and feel good about to me feeling oppressed and irritated that I am looking for discussions and solutions on common issues that crop up with trying to change our lifestyles. Or even successes and setbacks that will happen to and for each of us. Instead, it has devolved into just another place where there are hurt feelings, off-topic comments, and then some chastisement for suggesting that politics has nothing to do with eating strategy and exercise. As in most social groups, there are a small handful of folks who suck all the air and attention out of the group, and my frustration impacts me.
Add to that, struggles with political differences among very close friends. It’s not that M and I are so strident in our beliefs so much as our friends who are more liberal are so black-and-white that they are right and anyone disagreeing with them are evil. How we got here – I’m honestly not sure. It may be the influences of their young adult children, or it could be they are only now breaking out of their social propriety and preaching and lecturing rather than participating in give-and-take discussions and sharing of information. Whatever. It’s exhausting and draining to me.
And once again, I have to step away. It’s not yet to the point of shedding friends completely, but I find that if divorce was hard at 29 (my age when my kids’ dad and I split), it’s absolutely debilitating at 59 (the age when close friends separated and entered counseling). These are good folks, but the level of crazy that had infected has me backing away and maintaining plenty of space between us.
The good of these issues – it opens up a lot of avenues of conversation with M and I. M spends a lot of time on Facebook with his various group activities, and he is comfortable cutting off communication with those who disagree and who lead with attacks when the disparate points of view are disclosed. With our friends, the husband has a different perspective on marital breakdown that his wife, and quite honestly, I am starting to believe there’s something wrong with many women I know that are in my age range. It is as if their sense of self faded as their children grew up and into independence whereas my sense of self has expanded and taken over the entire universe. M and I seem to grow closer as we pursue our own interests as an empty nest couple, whereas so many woman I have known for long periods are become irrational, demanding, entitled princesses. As a consequence, we no longer mix well. They are as frustrated with me as I am with them.
It makes me extraordinarily grateful to the people I have met and become friends with from the gym and my various jobs the last few years. Our interests in our long-term health, taking care of ourselves, and the world around us makes friendship as stimulating and rewarding experience. So many of the female friends I have – there are a few exceptions – are tiresome for me, just as I am for them, I’m sure.
I am glad to have lightness of a decision made and resolve about the future of my social interactions in place. It’s impairing what matters most to me with my better health quest and finding more balance between work-work and the rest of my life.
And my blogging lunch is up for today. Happy weekending everyone!