My car is in having its first service at 4911 miles. I purchased the car in April and finally just grew annoyed enough with the idiot light reminders to schedule and bring my car in today to get it cleared and off my to-to list. And jotting a few random things to share since a proper blog post is out there in the ether for me right now.

I could tell you about how busy I have been lately, but I hate that. It sounds to my mind as some sort of lame-ass excuse for why I am not getting my stuff done, including neglecting my blog. I have no less than 3 training recaps in progress, and it is not beyond the realm of reality that it increases to 4 with Monday’s session before anything gets completed and published. But I’m going to try very hard to not let it happen.

Part of my truth is fab trainer J is away on an eagerly anticipated vacay adventure starting Wednesday, so I will be completely off the training leash and on my own for a Thursday and a Monday. And in all honesty, I feel like I have been kinda/sorta on vacay the last couple of weeks myself.

Not his fault, not at all. I’ve enjoyed our sessions and worked hard at the review we’re doing, learned a boatload, put the old-is-new-again challenges into practice during my own time on the loose in the gym. While I took last weekend off due to an unexpected work tsunami – that I enjoyed to an almost embarrassingly geek-like degree – I don’t even care.

But it tells me that things are off-kilter and imbalanced. Not overtraining type imbalanced, but my focus is scattered and divided and I really, really needed to purge a lot of the distraction.

So i’ve been doing a fair navel-gazing self-examination and forcing myself to get back onto the schedule and routines that feel more normal and natural to me, including adequate amounts of sleep.

While I could be updating my in-process posts, I am presently typing from my phone and offering a brain-dump instead of the better health quest and what else is on my mind.

Me and social media – poor match. I belong to precisely 2 groups on Facebook: my fat loss group and another fitness-related group. Both are turning out to be very poor fits for my personality for different reasons.

  • The fat loss group tends to attract more attention-seeking sorts who are ultimately not ready to do whatever it takes to break the bad habits that made them fat. Not a good fit for me. When I was not ready, I was not ready, and I was keenly aware of how much whining and complaining I do/was doing about not getting with the program. Unfortunately after about 9 months of reading and listening and trying to participate, I’m pretty much done for the most part. I have no further good advice to offer, and while my empathy does still flare and ultimately bite me in the ass, my frustration and feelings are my own responsibility.
  • The fitness-related group is populated by other trainers, coaches, and people who are very into pursuing some sort of certifications and the daily challenges that the group’s leadership posts. There’s tons of pictures and videos of people swinging kettlebells or talking about their workouts or asking questions … and it’s just overwhelming. Plus, really not my thing. I’m a-okay with a quick and intense workout, but I’m not a quick and intense exerciser. I try to peppy pacing when the huffy-puffy List calls for peppy pacing, but as a rule I crave my own speed and pace. There is that, primarily. But then there are folks who are “new to kettlebells” and/or new to exercise in general or who have not touched a weight in year trying to pursue some of these hardcore challenges and daily workouts. While I shouldn’t care, I do; I cannot see to look away and adopt a laissez-faire attitude toward complete strangers’ efforts to do themselves harm. It’s a poor fit for me; I am learning nothing, feeling inadequate in my own efforts, and am frankly sick of having all this stuff staring back at me every time I log into Facebook.

So I have had to unfollow both groups. I was going to try to unjoin, but after some back-and-forth with one of the moderators, I gave up and unfollowed them. There are a couple of folks whose posts I might want to see from time to time, so I leave my options open.

Food issues never seem to end. In the last 24 hours, I have had 2 blood sugar crashes. Thursday night I was hanging at another gym with former work friends doing their version of a huffy-puffy List. It was a lot of fun, even if the program they were following made little sense to me. But oh well – I could at least dance to their tunes. At the end of it all, though, I was feeling light-headed and checked my sugar – at 61, I was pretty much crashed/crashing. I thought nothing of it, just figured my lunch and pre-workout protein bar had not taken me far enough – drank some juice and went home for a decent dinner. This morning, though, I crashed even harder at 52, and I had barely gotten started with my practice when it happened. So strange. No real rhyme or reason for it, but I am adjusting my pre-gym meals a bit to try to avoid such unpleasantness.

Managing expectations and disappointments. Not going to lie – I was really upset this morning to have my practice cut short by a sugar crash. It’s been months since it happened, and I thought (silly me) that I was past all that. When it happens I drink some juice to get back into normal range, then feel exhausted for the rest of the day. No question that going back to get busy with my exercise was not happening, and I am disappointed. I know shit happens – even my doctor says shit happens – but it’s hugely inconvenient and annoying. I could go back and eagle eye every single morsel of food that has pass my lips, but I don’t think it’s the salad or the chicken or the broccoli or the fact that there has been Halloween candy in the house (that I did not eat). Thus far I have successfully restrained myself from getting all obsessively compulsive about looking at my food intake and practices. But I am low-level thinking it over, because I have worked hard to become a person who exercises regularly and do not want to be derailed because I’m not fueling myself appropriately.

Mindset is a fragile thing. While I am working hard at stripping fat and strengthening muscles and (hopefully) getting slightly more bendy, I have also watch my thinking and viewpoints change as well. My confidence has soared, and I occasionally find myself thinking about how truly awesome sauce I am in various ways. Imbalance tends to upset my outlook and mindset as well. Negative girl finds wiggle room on the door of her box and fear and anxiety start creeping into my mind where it is not welcome or appropriate. I begin having doubts about my ability, effort, intensity, seriousness in pursuit of my better health quest, and the negative noise starts trying to infect me. I cannot allow that to happen.

And my car is done – all is well.

Except I forgot to hit publish. Back soon with training recaps.